Six signs your child may be struggling at school. . . and what to do about it
EVERY parent wants the best for their children and, of course, their education is a major part of that. However, it’s almost inevitable that you will be absent from the room when your child is at school (unless you are an educator and your child is also one of your learners).
The result is that most parents learn about what is happening to their child at school from the world’s most unreliable source – the child themself! And children in grade school often lack the vocabulary or self-awareness to articulate their struggles. Instead, they express distress through behaviour, emotions, and physical symptoms.
High school children are better at expressing themselves, but teenagers experiencing academic challenges may not always communicate their struggles openly. Instead, signs often manifest in mood changes, avoidance behaviours, or shifts in academic performance.
All of which leaves you, as the parent, dependent on your ability to “read between the lines”.
Junior School Children:
Here are six key signs that a youngster may be having difficulties at school and what parents can do to help.
Reluctance to go to school
If a child who previously enjoyed school suddenly starts resisting or complaining about going, it may be a sign of an academic or social problem. Frequent stomach aches, headaches, or exaggerated fatigue before school can be indicators of stress or anxiety related to the classroom.
While some reluctance is normal, persistent avoidance suggests deeper concerns, such as learning difficulties, social struggles, or an undiagnosed developmental disorder.
What to do:
Approach the child gently and ask open-ended questions about their experiences at school. Work with their teacher to identify possible issues and consider whether additional academic support or counselling might help.
Changes in sleep patterns
Sleep disturbances – difficulty falling asleep, frequent nightmares, or waking up unusually early – can indicate heightened stress levels. Children struggling in school may become anxious about the next day, replaying difficult situations in their minds. Conversely, some children may sleep excessively as a way to try and escape stress.
What to do:
Establish a calming bedtime routine, limit screen time before bed, and encourage the child to talk about their day. If sleep issues persist, a consultation with a paediatrician or child psychologist may be the way to go.
Declining interest in learning or school activities
A sudden loss of enthusiasm for learning, reading, or favourite subjects may indicate frustration or discouragement. If a child who once loved maths now refuses to do their homework or avoids certain activities, it may be a response to feelings of inadequacy or a lack of understanding what is required in the classroom.
What to do:
Encourage curiosity at home by integrating learning into daily life. Praise effort rather than outcomes, and consider working with the teacher to adjust learning strategies. Tutoring or alternative learning approaches may also be helpful.
Behavioural changes at home
Children who struggle at school often bring their frustrations home. Increased irritability, defiance, tantrums, or withdrawal can all be reactions to feeling overwhelmed in the classroom. These behaviours are sometimes mistaken for attention-seeking rather than signals of distress.
What to do:
Create a safe space where the child feels comfortable sharing feelings. Avoid punitive responses to frustration-driven misbehaviour and instead validate their emotions while setting clear boundaries.
Trouble making or keeping friends
Social difficulties, such as frequent conflicts with peers, isolation, or rejection from classmates, may indicate struggles with communication, self-regulation, or bullying. A child who consistently plays alone or seems anxious about social situations may be experiencing difficulty fitting in.
What to do:
Observe the child in different social settings and talk to their teacher about peer interactions. Role-playing social scenarios at home and encouraging structured activities, such as sports or clubs, can help develop social skills.
Frequent complaints of feeling “dumb” or giving up easily
Self-critical statements like “I’m so stupid” or “I’ll never get this right” may suggest underlying self-esteem issues linked to academic challenges. Some children avoid difficult tasks entirely in order to prevent failure, reinforcing a cycle of learned helplessness.
What to do:
Reframe mistakes as learning opportunities and celebrate small achievements. Encourage a growth mindset by emphasizing effort and progress rather than perfection. A learning assessment may help identify specific areas needing support.
High School Students:
Here are six key indicators that high school students may be having difficulty in school and ways in which parents can offer support.
Significant drop in grades
A noticeable decline in grades, particularly in previously strong subjects, is often a red flag. While a temporary dip may result from external stressors, persistent struggles suggest difficulties with comprehension, organization, or time management.
What to do:
Instead of focusing on the grades themselves, have a discussion about what is making the subject difficult. Provide academic support through tutoring, online resources, or discussions with teachers about accommodations.
Increased procrastination or avoidance of schoolwork
A student who consistently puts off assignments, forgets deadlines, or rushes through homework may be struggling with time management, executive functioning, or motivation. Avoidance behaviours can indicate anxiety about failure or difficulty in grasping the material.
What to do:
Help the student break tasks into manageable steps, use planners or digital reminders, and create a structured homework routine. If procrastination is linked to anxiety, addressing underlying fears is crucial.
Emotional outbursts or withdrawal
Adolescents struggling academically may express their frustration through mood swings, increased irritability, or emotional shutdowns. School-related stress can sometimes be misinterpreted as teenage rebellion rather than a cry for help.
What to do:
Encourage open conversations without judgement. Ask, “What’s been challenging for you lately?” rather than, “Why aren’t you doing better?” If emotions seem overwhelming, consider professional support.
Skipping classes or school avoidance
Repeatedly missing school, arriving late, or skipping specific classes can indicate avoidance due to academic struggles, social issues, or mental health concerns. Chronic absenteeism often leads to further academic decline, making it essential to address this as early as possible.
What to do:
Find out why the student is avoiding school. Is it a specific subject, a teacher, or social pressure? Work with the school to find supportive solutions, such as tutoring, schedule adjustments, or peer mentoring.
Loss of interest in hobbies or extracurricular activities
A teen who once enjoyed sport, music, or social interaction but now withdraws may be experiencing academic-related stress, burnout, or depression. The pressure to perform well can sometimes overshadow activities that previously brought joy.
What to do:
Encourage balance by validating their feelings and helping them find ways to engage in stress-relieving activities. If lack of interest persists, assess for deeper emotional concerns.
Expressions of hopelessness about the future
Statements like “What’s the point?” or “I’ll never get into college anyway” can indicate feelings of defeat. Academic difficulties can contribute to a sense of failure, making it hard for teens to see future opportunities.
What to do:
Shift the focus from immediate academic struggles to long-term goals. Help the student explore different pathways to success, whether through alternative learning approaches, career exploration, or skills-based training. If signs of depression emerge, seek professional guidance.
Final Thoughts
Academic struggles, whether in grade school or high school, are often manageable with early intervention, patience, and the right support. Parents should maintain open communication, collaborate with educators, and seek professional help when necessary.
Every child learns differently, and identifying challenges early can make a significant difference to their confidence and their ultimate success.